Whatever Happens
by zucca42
Summary: She has made her decision. The only thing left to do is face the consequences. A post Watershed fic.


**Whatever Happens**

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AN: This is my first Castle fic. I haven't written anything in a while but after that finale I just had to get this out. I doubt this is how it will play out in September but here is my take on the last scene and beyond. Let me know what you think.

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_"He's going to hate me"_

_"That's something you'll have to live with"_

The memory echos through her mind as she pulls up to the park. Her gut is a churning ball of anxiety. She wants the job but every time she tries to picture his face after she tells him her decision she feels like she's going to throw up. She's not entirely certain it is something she can live with, but the alternative scares her even more.

She shouldn't still be agonizing over this. There's no more time. She has to tell him now. And as much as she loves him, she can't stay for him. Not if he doesn't know where they are going. Not if all he wants is to maintain the status quo. It isn't enough anymore. She wants more, and if he doesn't want more for them, if this is all they will ever be then she has to go.

Her father assumed she would resent Castle if she stayed for him, but that's not what she is truly afraid of. _"Or worse". _She'd said. Now she allows herself to complete the thought. _Or worse I'll stay for him and a month or a year down the line it will all fall apart anyway_. This way at least it is her choice, and she has this amazing new opportunity to pour her focus into if her relationship with Castle is really over. The thought is not as comforting as she'd like, but she has made her decision. The only thing left to do is face the consequences. She takes a deep breath and steps out of the car. She spots him sitting on their swings and makes her way towards him with a purposeful stride, determined to keep her composure even as she feels like her heart is being ripped in two.

She sits down on the swing next to him. His face is somber as he stares resolutely ahead, his eyes not meeting hers. She needs to tell him before she looses her nerve, but first she owes him an apology. She should have handled this differently. And maybe if she had... well there's no point in dwelling on that now.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have kept secrets"

"It's who you are. You don't let people in. I've had to scratch and claw for every inch."

"Castle" she starts to interrupt but he cuts her off.

"Please let me finish. I've been doing a lot of thinking about us, about our relationship, what we have, where we're headed. I've decided I want more. We both deserve more."

"I agree" she states because it is the conclusion she's reached as well. Still, hearing it from his lips hurts more than she thought possible. But he's talking again and she has to hold it together.

"So whatever happens, whatever you decide."

He pauses and she wants to cry or scream because he said "_whatever you decide"_ but now it feels like he's ripped the decision from her. This is it. The end. He's going to say enough is enough. That even if she wants to stay it's too late. Her heart is breaking, her lip starts to quiver. Any second now she's going to turn into a sobbing wreak and_ Oh my God. What is he doing? _

"Katherine Houghton Becket" he begins as he kneels holding out a gorgeous diamond ring for her inspection. "Will you marry me?"

And her mind goes blank.

She sits before him absolutely stunned. Mouth open, eyes unblinking, completely unable to comprehend the scene before her. She casts about for something to say. She doesn't know what to think, what to feel, let alone how to respond. Assuming this isn't some anxiety induced figment of her imagination, and she hasn't ruled that out yet. The only thought her mind can hold on to is "What?" which makes it past her lips without her permission.

"I love you Kate. Will you marry me?"

Ok. Not a hallucination then. She needs to wrap her mind around this because he is still on his knees waiting for an answer, but she just can't. A minute ago she thought that they were over for good and now he's asking her for forever. It just didn't make sense.

"Why are you doing this Castle?"

He takes a moment to gather his thoughts. Sitting beside her on the swings Castle had been terrified but determined. His heart was in his throat and It had taken every ounce of courage he had to force the words out, to keep his voice steady as he put his heart on the line. Now though, kneeling before her he felt a strange sense of calm steal over him. He had done it and no matter her initial reaction, he is done holding back. He will fight for her to his last breath if that's what it takes. He starts with the simplest answer first.

"Because I love you."

"I know you do, but this feels like a last ditch effort to get me to stay and that's not a good enough reason to get married."

"That's not what this is."

"Are you sure about that? Because I know you and this is not how the Rick Castle I know would propose. You would come up with some absurd, elaborate, over the top romantic scheme designed to knock me off my feet. Instead it feels like your hand has been forced."

"You're right. You do know me. I want the fairy tale. I want everything to be lager than life, perfect, magical. But that's not how it works. That's not real. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't been contemplating something along those lines but the timing never felt right. I have been waiting for that perfect moment when everything just falls into place and you let me in completely. But that's not who you are, and that's not who I fell in love with. Our relationship will never be perfect. You'll hold back. I'll behave like and idiot. We'll have huge fights and say horrible things and hurt each other. But I know with more certainty than I've ever had about anything that this is the relationship I want to be in for the rest of my life.

He pauses for a moment to study her face but he can't read her. Her expression is guarded but her eyes are glassy with unshed tears that she stubbornly refuses to let fall.

"I've been holding back lately. Because this, us, it terrifies me. I love you so much, and this means so much more to me than any relationship I have ever been in and I've been so afraid that I'm going to screw it up. Afraid that I wont be enough, because I never was before. What I realize now is that I can never hope to be enough if I keep holding back. You deserve nothing less than everything I have to give and I will never stop scratching and clawing my way in because you are it for me. So If this job is what you want then I think you should take it. But don't for one second think you're getting rid of me. You can go to DC. You can turn me down. Doesn't matter. I've been following you around for the last five years and I'm not about to stop now."

She looses the battle with her tears at this point and lets out a choked sound somewhere between a laugh and a sob.

"God Rick, you just don't give up, do you?" her voice is rough and the sun highlights the glistening tracks her tears have left on her face but the use of his first name gives him hope.

"Not when it comes to you." he replies. A small grin on his lips for the first time since he found the boarding pass that turned his world upside down.

Tears are still streaming down her face but he sees the corner of her lips quirk up in the barest hint of a smile and he knows that they will get through this. He doesn't know if she'll take the job. He has no idea how long it will take him to persuade her to wear his ring. The future is still a mystery but he knows it is one they will solve together.

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AN: I apologize for the cheesiness of the last line. I couldn't seem to stop myself. (-: I was going to delve more into Beckett's reaction but this felt like a good stopping point. I may add another chapter if anyone thinks its worth continuing. Feedback would be much appreciated, or if you feel the need to rant about the finale a bit I'd love to hear your thoughts on that as well. Thanks for reading.


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